The Philosopher’s Stone, Chapters 8-9: BITCHES PLEASE

I first met Harry Potter shortly after the Chamber of Secrets had been published. I’d seen them around, of course, but it was my sister who had been given the books. One day on a camping trip, she started reading The Sorcerer’s Stone to us. For whatever reason, it wasn’t until early high school that I started reading (devouring) them. I’m super excited to relive them all again with you. So, here goes nothing.

CHAPTER EIGHT: THE POTIONS MASTER

After a pretty great dream about being a Horcrux, Harry tries to make his way around Hogwarts, which proves to be pretty impossible between being a celebrity and all the fake doors. I love that the more attention Harry gets, the less sure he is about himself that he is going to live up to expectations. We get our first glimpse at a cast of professors and Hogwarts staff: from the ever annoying Filch and Mrs. Norris to adorably nuts Professor Flitwick. (Anyone else have Maggie Smith so engrained in your brain as Professor McGonagall that they’ve now become synonymous? Sometimes I get confused when I watch Downton Abbey.) And then we hear about all the fun things that Harry, Ron, and Hermione get to learn about and I get soooo jealous. Enter Severus Snape, our resident antihero archetype and this book’s scapegoat, who appears to really hate Harry for some odd reason. I’m sorry, but I have to get this out of my system:

He pelts him with impossible questions, the answers to which only Hermione seems to know, and is horribly insulting to most of the Gryffindors. Thankfully, it’s Friday afternoon and Hagrid and Fang are waiting with tea and really bad cookies. I really could have used a Hagrid in nursing school.

Anyway, back to Snape. When Ashley asked me what/who/where we wanted to be assigned to in the books, I always went back to the greasy asshole. But then I was wondering the other night, why am I so fascinated by him? There are way cooler characters in Potterland, and it’s not just that he saves the world. I mean, he is sort of a dick, a really bad teacher, and does a horrendous job showing his love for Lily Evans/Potter. And, I don’t think it’s just because I love Alan Rickman. (Although it helps, because Alan Rickman as Snape fucking rocks.) But, I really think it’s because I am in love with the antihero*. Think about it: Han Solo, Angel, Spike, Faith, Jack Bristow, Lisbeth Salander, Dexter Morgan, Beatrix Kiddo, Holden Caulfield? Excuse, I’m gonna let you finish, but these are some of the most brilliant characters of ALL TIME. Wikipedia says that an “antihero is a protagonist who has no heroic virtues or qualities (such as being morally good, idealistic, courageous, noble, or possessing fortitude), blurring the line between hero and villain.” (So that’s what Robin Thick was singing about!) They are such flawed, broken, rejected characters, with deeply troubled histories, playing by their own rules. We can’t make up our mind whether we love or hate them. We itch to know more about what made them. They are so intensely relatable they could be us or someone we love: angry, lonely, resentful, bitter, and completely aware of the destruction in their wake, obsessed with making things right. Severus Snape is our morally ambiguous not!ahero for the next seven books, and from the start we know he will play an enormous role. But, it’s his past, his fall, and his triumph that make him such a perfect character.

*I did a little Googling and there’s actually a big debate on if Snape is the anti-hero or the tragic hero. What do you think? DEBATE!

CHAPTER NINE: THE MIDNIGHT DUEL

Okay, I absolutely LOVE this chapter. There are so many wonderful firsts! It starts out with flying lessons, something the first-years and every single person who has read this book has been looking forward to. Harry is supremely worried about not being good at it in front of Malfoy, who keeps talking himself up about flying (the complete opposite of Harry, he is way over confident about everything and sucks at everything). Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan have an argument about football (I hate that my book calls it soccer. They are BRITISH.) which is kind of HILARIOUS, because everyone knows that Quidditch beats out every sport ever. Poor Neville and Hermione are both pretty nervous about flying, but that’s okay because they’re good at being other things. For example, like being awesome. Except, Neville’s still in that beginning stage where we don’t know he’s awesome yet, and gets a Remembrall from his Gran. (I need one of these to take to work.)

The first-years from Gryffindor and Slytherin head over to fly some brooms with Madame Hooch. Right away, Harry starts to feel pretty confident in his innate ability to command the broomstick. But, it’s all interrupted when Neville rockets off the ground, crash lands, and breaks his wrist. While Madame Hooch takes him to see the nurse, Malfoy finds the Remembrall on the ground. Harry demands he return it, but Malfoy takes off on a broomstick and Harry takes off after him despite Hermione’s protests. Harry LOVES flying and finds he’s finally good at something without trying- which Malfoy can see and starts to get nervous. Because he’s a coward and sucks at everything, he tosses the Remembrall, saying “catch this, bitch.” Harry dives for it and catches it an inch off the ground.

“HARRY POTTER,” roars Maggie Sm- I mean Professor McGonagall, taking Harry away from the class, making sure he looks like he’s in deep shit. Pansy-ass Malfoy laughs, and we laugh at him because we know McGonagall is actually a HUGE closet Quidditch fan. She presents him to Oliver Wood as Gryffindor’s new seeker, and he just might be more thrilled than Harry.

Harry reports back to Ron, who is shocked and proud of his new friend. Malfoy shows up with Crabbe and Goyle, still believing that Harry is about to get expelled, and challenges them to a wizard’s duel that night. Ron and Harry sneak out of the common room that night, but are joined by Hermione who is still in her goody-toe-shoes phase and attempts to get them to stay, getting herself locked out. Then Neville shows up, not remembering the password. Eventually, roaming the halls, dodging Peeves, Filch,and Mrs. Norris, the four of them realize Malfoy tricked them (dick move). But, hey FIRST ADVENTURE AS A TEAM! And they accidentally find themselves in the forbidden part of Hogwart’s and staring up at Fluffy, the three-headed puppy, who as Hermione points out was standing on a trap door. DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Too bad they’re not friends yet. They need the smart, bad ass chick on their team.