The Chamber of Secrets

Chapters 1-2: The Worst Birthday & Dobby’s Warning — As if living with the Dursleys again isn’t bad enough, a house elf named Dobby shows up in Harry’s bedroom, steals his letters, drops a pudding on a Muggle, and tries to keep him from getting back to Hogwarts. Plus also: Uncle Vernon’s Japanese Golfer joke, the Dursleys take child abuse to a new level, and hints of a nefarious new threat at Hogwarts. (“Ickle Firsties No More” — Valerie Anne 9/20/13)

Chapter 3: The Burrow — Ron, Fred, and George rescue Harry from the Dursleys in a flying Ford Anglia and take him to stay with them at The Burrow. Harry declares it is the best house he’s ever been in. Plus also: Mrs. Weasley is terrifying, the Chudley Cannons are the Chicago Cubs of the Wizarding World, and “Gerroff me!” (“Escape From the Dursleys” — Charlene 9/23/13)

Chapters 4-5: At Flourish and Blotts & The Whomping Willow — Harry encounters Gilderoy Lockhart for the first time, and the Malfoys act like assholes in Flourish and Blotts. Then Harry and Ron can’t get on to Platform 9 3/4 and instead of waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, decide it would be a good idea for them to steal the car and fly it to Hogwarts themselves. Plus also: Floo Powder! The Whomping Willow! Colin Creevey! (“Let’s Go Again, Only Famousier This Time” — Matt 9/25/13)

Chapters 6-7: Gilderoy Lockhart & Mudbloods and Murmurs — Lockhart proves to be the most incompetent teacher anyone has ever heard of, and a harmless early morning Quidditch practice turns into something a bit more sinister, as we learn that wizards can be bigots, too. Plus also: Ron Gets a Howler, Hermione has a crush on Lockhart, and Ron belches slugs. (“WTF is Up With This Year?” — Alyssa 9/27/13)

Chapters 8-9: The Deathday Party & The Writing on the Wall — Harry attends Nearly Headless Nick’s 500th Deathday Party, and Filch’s cat, Mrs. Norris, is Petrified by an unknown person, who also scrawled on the wall behind her, “The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware.” Plus also: Harry meets the Headless Hunt, Filch is a Squib, and people finally pay attention to Professor Binns. (“Every Time Something Good Happens To Me You Say it’s Some Kind of Madness” — Jen 9/30/13)

Chapters 10-11: The Rogue Bludger & The Dueling Club — Dobby strikes again! His rogue bludger breaks Harry’s arm, and when an incompetent Lockhart tries to heal it, he accidentally removes all the bones from Harry’s arm. Lockhart also starts a dueling club, but is completely ineffectual (standard), at which the whole school finds out Harry is a Parselmouth, and so obviously must be the Heir of Slytherin. Plus also: Moaning Myrtle’s toilet! Skele-Gro! Expelliarmus! (“Have You Heard My New Wizard Rock Band, Crabbe’s Toenails?” — Kevin 10/2/13)

Chapters 12-13: Polyjuice Potion & The Very Secret Diary — Harry, Ron, and Hermione brew a highly advanced and against-the-rules potion that will allow them to turn into Slytherins for one hour so they can grill Malfoy about being the Heir of Slytherin. When that doesn’t work out so well, Harry decides to take up journaling in the 50 year old obviously magical and dangerous diary he found barfed up by Myrtle’s toilet. Plus also: Hermione is a cat, Ginny (probably) sent Harry a singing Valentine, and Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts from keeping a dirty great spider in a box under his bed. (“Riddle Me This” — Lindsay 10/4/13)

Chapters 14-15: Cornelius Fudge & Aragog —  Tom Riddle’s diary is stolen from Harry’s things, and immediately afterwards there’s another attack: this time it’s Hermione that’s Petrified. In response, the Ministry of Magic and the school governors take Hagrid and Dumbledore away because they’re GENIUSES. Harry and Ron travel into the forest and meet Aragog, who tells them Hagrid DIDN’T open the Chamber of Secrets — he was innocent. Plus also: Quidditch is canceled, we meet Cornelius Fudge’s lime green bowler hat, and the return of the flying Ford Anglia. (“This Ain’t Charlotte’s Web” — Ashley 10/7/13)

Chapters 16-17: The Chamber of Secrets & The Heir of Slytherin — Harry and Ron venture stupidly (but bravely) into the Chamber of Secrets with Lockhart in order to rescue Ginny. Ron gets stuck with Lockhart, and Harry learns that young, handsome Tom Riddle has been possessing Ginny all year, and is also, in fact, Voldemort. Then he fights a giant ass snake and murders a book. Plus also: Hermione vandalizes a book, Lockhart is a fraud, and Harry pulls a sword out of a hat. (“Snakes Be Slytherin” — Jennie 10/9/13)

Chapter 18: Dobby’s Reward — Harry learns that not only was Lucius Malfoy behind planting Riddle’s diary in Ginny’s things, he also happens to be the owner of one Dobby the house elf, whom Harry frees by tricking Malfoy into giving Dobby a dirty old sock. Plus also: The sword of Gryffindor! Pajama feast! Percy has a girlfriend! (“The Chamber of Seacrest” — Gretchen 10/11/13)

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One thought on “The Chamber of Secrets

  1. […] to reread Harry Potter. Cannonball Read’s very own narfna, along with some friends, did a Medicinal Re-Read and I remember following along (thanks, Goodreads)! It’s been since 2013! Okay, as you were, […]

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