Wow. The last chapter of the last book. Exactly how did I end up with this one? There’s a lot here to unpack and I’m afraid I won’t really do it justice, but I’m pretty sure Ashley’s not going to accept that as an excuse so here goes things.
CHAPTER 36: THE FLAW IN THE PLAN
Harry awakens on the Forbidden Forest floor and shows a whole lot more physical self control than I’d ever be able to muster myself. I mean, I’m right now just sitting in my comfortable desk chair in my comfortable office and I CAN’T STOP FIDGETING. But Harry? He has a quiet word with Narcissa Malfoy, gets Cruciatus-ed like a flipping piñata, hauled off by a sobbing half-giant, and displayed on the Hogwarts lawn in front of the people he loves, all while convincing everyone around him that he’s dead. Is this one of those new skills you pick up from dying? Because if it is, I think I just solved David Blaine.
So then Voldemort basically just stands around being a dick until this happens:
Which then reminds me of this:
Which makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. Because yeah, read the goddamned books. Oh wait, we just did.
Harry uses this EPIC distraction to disappear, and amidst the chaos that follows only Hagrid notices he’s gone missing. Bless. Well then all hell breaks loose, as it does, and Harry displays the second trick he picked up from dying: how to miraculously avoid being inadvertently hit by a random jinx while invisible and not really paying attention to anyone except Voldemort and being shoved around by a panicked stampeding mob. I’m little; there’s no way I’d get out of that without being trampled to death.
So now Voldemort is basically just wandering around being a dick when this happens:
Also, this makes no sense:
You guys, I totally love Tumblr as much as the next gal, but I feel like we, as a collective, need to get a grip with this “Keep Calm” business. Because have you seen Tom Hiddleston? THERE IS NO KEEPING CALM.
So, Harry uses this latest EPIC distraction to un-disappear, and the crowd goes wild! And then it’s all Exposition City, Population: Harry. And I have no problem admitting that I did not completely understand his explanation of the titular “flaw in the plan” the first time I read this. Because I am not very smart. Also, I can’t quite decide how badass/cool/cheeky/lame it is that Harry starts calling Voldemort “Tom” (not that Tom). Thoughts?
And then this happens in the movie, but not in the book:
Although the end game remains the same: Ding, dong, the dick is dead. And I mourn for Ralph Fiennes’s beautiful face. Let’s all agree to remember him like this, yes?
So then Harry uses that EPIC distraction to sneak off with Hermione and Ron, wrap up the Horcruxes storyline, and deliver the understatement of the century: “I’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime.” Also there was something about sammiches.
I love sammiches.