I love the Olympics. I eagerly await the next round and once it arrives, I become obsessed. Suddenly I’m an expert in sports I haven’t thought about since the last round and explaining to anyone who listens why a particular achievement in the Olympic is so incredible. I watch curling and rowing and spout off on the wonder of the Triple Chocolate Mudslide spin performed on the snowboard half pipe for the first time in history (fact: all names of snowboard trick sound like either desserts or cocktails). Basically, I would love the Triwizard Tournament and, once the champions were announced, would instantly become an expert on the various competitors and what type of challenges they’re likely to face.
And then I’d want the hold thing narrated by Bob Costas.
Related: I wonder if there are wizarding teenagers who treats sports competitions the way Muggles do? Like, is anyone just sitting under the bleachers talking about how much they don’t care about who wins, despite the fact they went through all the trouble to show up? There has to be. I refuse to believe anything else is possible.
So. The Tournament is coming.
CHAPTER 17: THE FOUR CHAMPIONS
Harry’s name has just come out of the Goblet of Fire, to the confusion and anger of everyone involved. He’s in with the other champions when the headmasters of the participating schools come in demanding answers. Naturally, everyone thinks Hogwarts in general and Harry in particular has cheated in order to get his name into the goblet and to have it selected as a fourth. This moment is played very strangely in the movie, with Dumbledore looking like he’s about to reenact scenes from Zero Dark Thirty as he grills Harry for answers. In reality, Dumbledore asks Harry if he put his name in, Harry insists he did not, and the rest of the headmasters take their anger at an injustice (and really, they have a point – it’s not fair at all what happens) out on Dumbledore and the Ministry. However, in the end there’s nothing to be done and Harry can’t compete. The students of Durmstrang and Beauxbatons can’t vote in a second champion each cause of reasons. Magic, you know how it is. Ludo Bagman suggests they retire for a drink because he’s useless.
The most important bit of this scene is Moody explaining the difficult magic in tricking the Goblet of Fire. Unfortunately, Hogwarts doesn’t allow Muggle technology so the BY THE WAY, THIS IS HOW I DID IT neon sign above his head remains unlit. Also unlit: the sign reading WHY DON’T I JUST HIT POTTER OVER THE HEAD WITH A BRICK AND CART HIM OFF TO THE DARK LORD, THAT WOULD BE MUCH EASIER sign. Too bad Malfoy can’t make any of that into a badge.