The Philosopher’s Stone

Chapters 1-2: The Boy Who Lived & The Vanishing Glass  Harry Potter is left on a doorstep as a baby. Eleven years later, he learns he is a wizard. This story is catnip and you can totally tell just from the first two chapters. Plus also: foreshadowing! Stuff you won’t understand until two books from now! Or more! Sirius Black’s motorcycle! (“It’s a Dursley World” — Ashley 9/2/13)

Chapters 3-5: The Letters From No One, The Keeper of Keys, & Diagon Alley – Harry finally escapes the Dursleys and is delivered unto a life full of wonder by a giant of a man concealing an entire birthday cake in his magical coat. Plus also: Harry is rich, Malfoy is a prat, Hagrid can’t spell Voldemort. (“Your Mom Goes to Hogwarts” — Jennie 9/4/13)

Chapters 6-7: The Journey From Platform Nine and Three Quarters & The Sorting Hat — Harry meets the most important people in his life, and finds a new home at Hogwarts. Plus also: castles! feasts! Gryffindor! The school song has scabby knees in it! (“There’s No Place Like Home” — Gretchen 9/6/13)

Chapters 8-9: The Potions Master & The Midnight Duel — Snape can you show you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even put a stopper in death . . . but he never learned to be nice to children. But then Harry learns how to ride a broomstick like a boss and joins the Gryffindor Quidditch team, so it’s all good. Plus also: Oliver Wood! Neville’s Remembrall! Three headed dog! (“Bitches Please” — Lindsay 9/9/13)

Chapters 10-11: Halloween & Quidditch — Harry, Ron, and Hermione fight a troll and become best friends for life. Harry becomes a Quidditch hero (and is almost killed in the process). Plus also: Wingardium Leviosa, Lee Jordan vs. Professor McGonagall, Hermione lights Snape on fire. (“Hermione Granger is Queen of Everything” — Cassandra 9/11/13)

Chapters 12-13: The Mirror of Erised & Nicolas Flamel — Harry gets an invisibility cloak for Christmas and uses it to go to the Library. He also sees his entire family in a magical mirror and finally learns who Nicolas Flamel is. Plus also: Fred and George hit Voldemort in the face with snowballs, Harry gets his first Weasley jumper, and something about a Philosopher’s stone . . . (“Nicolas Flamel Was the Elvis of His Time” — Jen 9/13/13)

Chapters 14-15: Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback & The Forbidden Forest — Exams are coming, but the Trio are distracted by Hagrid hatching an illegal dragon in his hut, and then Malfoy finding out about. Then they all get detention in the Forbidden Forest, where Harry sees a hooded and cloaked Voldemort sucking the blood out of a unicorn. The fuck. Plus also: “Bless him, look, he knows his mommy!” Child endangerment at Hogwarts! Firenze lets Harry ride him like a dirty mule! (“Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!” — Kat 9/16/13)

Chapters 16-17: Through the Trapdoor & The Man With Two Faces —  As if Final Exams weren’t bad enough, Harry, Ron, and Hermione have to solve puzzles set by the teachers that were designed to thwart fully grown wizards in order to stop Voldemort from getting the Philosopher’s Stone. And someone is trying to steal the stone, but it’s not who they thought. Plus also: The power of love! Gryffindor wins the House Cup! Fred and George try to send Harry a toilet seat! (“Here’s What Happened” — Dan 9/18/13)

Legilimens!

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